Strangers from distant lands, friends of old
You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor
Middle-Earth stands upon the brink of destruction
Bring forth the Ring
Jack, you do have the ring, don't you?
Yes. Yes, i have the ring
The thing is, last night, me and some buddies had a little too much mead
and we ended up at the piercing parlor,
and we ended up... and.... a long story short...
Oh, my god
It is a gift
You're damn right, it's a gift
It's called a "Prince Albert"
and it's my precious
So, you're telling us
that you took the fabled Ring of Sauron,
the one ring that could destroy all of middle-earth,
and attached it to your...
your little Hobbit there?
It was easy
See, what they do is
they heat up this metal spike,
then they drive it through your penis,
and then they just wiggle it around a little bit
to make sure the hole's big enough
then they put a hinge on the ring, snap it shut,
boom, it's on there forever, baby
That's disgusting
You say that now
this little bad boy
gets the ladies where they're trying to go every time
That Ring must be destroyed
You, Eyebrows, stay out of this.
Jack!
None of us are comfortable with the fate of middle-earth
dangling from your...
Oh, my god! it's moving
The ring must be destroyed
Okay, fine. I'm taking it off.
Jeez Louise!
I can't get it off
Maybe somebody should help him with that?
Oh, for god's sake, somebody, help him.
You have my sword
And my ax
Dude put down the ax!
You know, I knew you guys wouldn't be supportive
Gimle, when you wanted to grow a beard
we all said it would look dumb
but you did it anyway, and now you've got a cool Rob Zombie thing going on
And, Elrond, the headband, it's a little 1983
but that's cool
And, Frodo, remember when...
Frodo?
You, Frodo Eyes up here
Jack, you're right
None of us have been very supportive
And it is a very attractive piercing
and it is it okay if i...
take a closer look?
But, of course, my lady. You might notice the fine craftsmanship
Ahhhhhhhhh!
Okay. Let's get this bitch to Mount Doom